If it don't apply, let it fly

Whose words are you still carrying that were never meant for you?

Somebody wrote me last week. She was in a meeting and her supervisor came for everybody in the room. All of them. And she sat there knowing she wasn’t the guilty one. She said the whole time she kept telling herself one thing. If it don’t apply, let it fly.

I did a whole speech on that once. Years ago. She was in the room. And here it is, still working, in a meeting I’ll never see.

Here’s what it means. People are going to say things. Some of it is about you. A lot of it is not. It’s about their day, their fear, their boss, their marriage, the thing that happened to them before they walked in. If you pick all of it up and carry it home, you’re going to be carrying a lot of weight that was never yours.

So you check it. Does this apply to me? Is there something in here I need to own? If yes, own it. Fix it. That’s progress. If no, let it fly. Let it go right past you.

That’s not the same as not listening. I listen harder than most people. It’s the difference between responding and reacting. Reacting is picking up everything that gets thrown. Responding is deciding what’s yours.

I was an angry kid. I was mad at my mom and I didn’t understand why. I picked up everything. It took me a long time to learn that you can hear someone all the way through and still not take it home.

So go back to the question. Whose words are you still carrying? And did they ever apply?

If they didn’t, let them fly.